the dinner passed more quickly than sutton would have liked; she was greatly enjoying the wonderful meal with her new family for a year and was saddened when the night was over. after they were finished eating walker and diana, followed by taylor and isaac on either side of sutton and zac in front of them, lazily exited the restaurant and stepped into the warm spring night. sutton immediately sighed, she had never enjoyed the warm weather that came with living in oklahoma or the hot, humid nights. she pushed up the sleeves of her light cardigan as isaac read her mind and said, “good grief its just a tad bit warm out tonight.” “no kidding,” sutton smiled and followed his parents to their van. “i think i am ready to move to alaska.” taylor and isaac chuckled as isaac reached the car and climbed into the back seat with zac. taylor let sutton climb in next as she crawled over in the middle seat and taylor sat next to her and pulled the door shut. “thank you so much for dinner, it was wonderful,” sutton called to diana and walker in the front seat. “you’re certainly welcome,” diana smiled as the boys chimed in their thanks as well, and walker began driving in the dark, muggy night. “are your parents calling tonight, sutton?” diana asked. “yep, i think they’re calling around 10. is that alright? its kind of hard to get the time zones worked out so its easy for everyone, so sometimes its easier for them to call when its later at night here.” “oh, its not that late, don’t worry about it. I’m sure the boys will all be up anyway,” walker looked back at the boys in the rearview mirror and sutton looked over at taylor, who she noticed was already looking her way. she smiled as he asked her, “when is the last time you talked to them?” “ah, they called the first day i got here, when they arrived in Italy.” she nodded and looked away. as Walker rolled into their small, private neighborhood, he called to the back of the car, “taylor, isaac, zac, can you guys go over to mrs raymond’s house and get mackie from her?” “okay,” zac called from the way back of the van as walker stopped in the driveway and pulled out several bills from his wallet. “here, taylor. Would you pay her too?” he asked and handed taylor the money as he nodded, and walker pulled the van into their garage. everyone climbed out of the car and the boys slowly made their way across the street as sutton followed walker and diana into the house. “thanks again for dinner,” she smiled and gave them both a hug. “i appreciate everything you’ve been doing for me.” “don’t even mention it,” walker smiled, as he and diana made their way down the hall and up the stairs to bed. “see you tomorrow.” they called. sutton fell back into the couch and sighed, completely worn out and exhausted as the tulsa heat permeated through the old, brick house. she looked around the living room and at the twirling ceiling fans and closed her eyes as her mind wandered to her parents. she pulled off her white cardigan and draped it over the edge of the couch and sat up, suddenly wishing she didn’t think about them so often, for whenever she did a deep feeling resided in her heart and made her miss them even more. suddenly the phone rang, and she hopped off of the couch and over to the kitchen counter to answer it. she perched herself atop a stool and leaned her elbows against the counter as she picked up the receiver and answered, “hanson household.” “hey hon!” her mothers voice chirped along with a faint static. “hi mom! i didn’t think you would be calling until later!” “i’m sorry hon, did i wake you up?” sutton laughed. “no mom, its only 9pm here.” she paused a moment and then added, “we just got back from dinner; walker and diana took Ike, zac, taylor and i out. the boys just got back two days ago.” “oh wow, that’s wonderful. how are they? “they’re...the same, basically. i had forgotten how much i missed them but it seems like we’ve really caught up on things these last couple days. i’ve missed them a lot,” sutton leaned her head in her arms against the cool counter. “i’ve missed them as well, hon. i wish we could have kept in touch better these last few months before we left.” “do you miss them too?” sutton asked. “i do, i do. we’ve always been good friends with the hanson’s. when your father and i get home we’ll have to make sure we get together more, maybe have a party.” “that would be nice,” sutton silently grinned. “are you still planning on coming back...next april or so?” she hesitantly asked. “yes, hon.” her mother simply answered. she quickly added, “i hope you had a good time tonight.” “i did, it was really nice of them to take us out. It was like a celebration dinner,” sutton said as she heard the garage door open and ike and zac run through the kitchen and up the stairs. taylor followed, mackie in his arms who was complaining about something. he brought him over to the counter sutton was sitting at and lifted him up onto it. he gazed at sutton, her blonde hair wrapped in a messy bun and her strong, bare back. sutton raised her head and smiled at mackie and held out her hand to him which he slapped, and then she looked up to taylor, eyes twinkling. “is that the boys i hear?” her mother asked. “taylor’s right here with mackie.” sutton paused and said to taylor, “its my mom. she wants to know how you guys are.” “never been better,” he replied. “taylor says he’s never been better, mom,” sutton smiled at taylor as her mother said, “that’s wonderful. i hope you get to spend a lot of time with them and have some fun.” “oh we will, i’m sure. i think we’re all gonna go mini golfing soon or something, do something before the tour starts.” sutton said as she watched taylor from behind as he went to the fridge and pulled out the orange juice and began preparing a cup of juice for mackie. “but how are you mom, really? how’s dad?” “we’re all fine here, things are going really well. i’m going to write you a letter soon and tell you more about it here since we can’t talk long on the phone, and in fact i should get going soon. just wanted to check in and let you know I’m thinking about you and your father and i miss you very much.” hearing her mother’s words saddened sutton, and made her wonder if staying in tulsa was the best decision, or maybe she should have gone to Italy and share the experience with her parents. she looked down at the counter and tried to shield her face from taylor as tears welled up in her eyes. “oh mom, i miss you too and think about you everyday,” she said softly as a few tears escaped her eyes. she cleared her throat, not wanting her mother to know she was crying, though she knew her mother was doing the same on the other line, and said, “i can’t wait to hear more about everything there and how things are coming along.” “well your father and i will write you a letter soon. i should get going now, though. your father sends his love. i love you, sutton.” “i love you too, mom. tell dad i love him. i’ll talk to you soon?” “sure, honey. bye.” “bye,” sutton said and clicked off the receiver. mackie was facing her and said, “why are you crying?” sutton stood and let out a small laugh as taylor leaned against the counter in front of her, concerned. “don’t you wish sometimes that you were still four years old, shielded from all of the hatred and hurt and sadness in the world, and lived a life of naivete?” she directed her question towards taylor and she looked into mackie’s big brown eyes, and sniffed as a few tears escaped her eyes. taylor smiled, supportive, at sutton who came around to his side of the counter and fished a kleenex from the box that was near the sink. “yes, yes, definitely,” he said softly as sutton dried her eyes, unsuccessfully, as more tears began to form. “it hasn’t been that long yet, but i’m still so scared,” she cried as taylor quickly leaned into her and put his arms hesitantly around her bare back, unsure of what to say to make her feel better but somehow still knowing how to comfort her through his embrace. sutton exhaled loudly as she rested her chin on taylor’s shoulder and a wisp of his hair tickled her nose. taylor rubbed her back and softly said, “you can cry if you need to cry, no one expects you to know exactly how to deal with everything, or know how to be strong.” sutton held on to taylor for a moment longer, needing to have someone hold her and feel love from someone since she wasn’t able to receive from her parents. she released a moment later and nodded, “its just so much harder than i expected. i miss hearing their voices and having their hugs and my mom’s reassuring touch. i don’t think they knew what it would be like, either,” “i know, mom’s are irreplaceable people in our lives. nothing and no one can compare to your mother, but if you ever need a hug you can come to me,” taylor smiled weakly. sutton blushed and rubbed her bare arms. taylor quickly gave mackie his juice which he had been whining for, who then asked, “are you ok sutt-un?” sutton matched taylor’s gaze, her eyes puffy red, and nodded, “yeah, i think i’ll be okay. eventually.” \\ after taylor and sutton had chatted momentarily in the kitchen, they made their way back upstairs as mackie had begun to doze off. “tay, sutt-un, i’m tired,” he whined as he patted his cup against the counter. sutton automatically rose and stood in front of mackie. “are you tired little boy? did you have fun across the street?” taylor rose and wandered over and stood close to sutton and smiled at his brother. he nodded wildly and held his arms out towards sutton. “bed time,” he cooed as sutton looked over to taylor with pleading eyes. “he is adorable,” she whispered as she carefully lifted him off the counter and his head leaned on her shoulder. taylor cleared the hair out of mackie’s eyes and said softly, “yeah, he is sometimes, isn’t he? i can tell he really likes you,” sutton grinned as taylor flicked off the lights and walked in front of her down the hallway and to the stairs, thankful that a hallway light had been left on for them. “careful,” he warned. sutton carefully climbed the many stairs as mackie’s head bobbed against her shoulder and his small hand rested against her bare back. she entered his room after taylor, who had turned on a small night light that shed enough light for them to get mackie ready for bed. sutton carefully sat down in a wicker rocking chair as mackie rested against her chest, quietly sleeping, and slowly rocked back and forth as taylor went over to his dresser and pulled out a diaper and pajamas. he turned around with the small pajamas in his hands and smiled at sutton, who was rubbing his small back. he stood there, watching her for several moments before she looked up and met his eyes in a smile. she mouthed, “i love your brother,” taylor grinned, and motioned for her to lay him on the floor. she hesitantly stood and lied him on the floor and kneeled before him as he whimpered. together sutton and taylor quickly changed mackie and taylor lifted him into small bed as he whispered, “you sure are a pro.” sutton grinned and shrugged as they exited his room and she entered her own. taylor followed her and leaned against her bedroom door as sutton stood nervously in the middle of her room, legs pressed against the back of her bed. “ah, well i’ve had a lot of practice these past several days, believe it or not.” she smiled and sat at the edge of her bed. “i’ve taken an extreme liking to your little brother.” “what about the other hanson brothers?” taylor smiled. sutton blushed as she looked down to the floor. she quickly said, “ah yes, but i haven’t spent a lot of time with you guys, yet. i haven’t talked to you guys in so long, but i missed you guys so i hope we can spend a lot of time together soon, just like old times. the last time i probably saw everyone was for your birthday.” “probably, that is the last time wasn’t it? well, i’ve missed you too. did avery and jessie and mackie remember you?” “its not like i haven’t seen you guys in years, taylor.” she laughed, quietly, not wanting anyone to wake up. “You and I used to be practically best friends too, but then we kinda lost touch for awhile.” “well i know that,” taylor shook his head and laughed and sat on the floor in front of sutton, legs bent in front of him. “but yeah, we were pretty good friends before, weren’t we?” he quickly untucked his shirt and looked up at her. sutton nodded as she pulled her legs underneath her and her short dress over her knees, and scratched her chin. “yeah...” she looked off into space. “i was over here practically everyday doing something with you guys. i got lonely a lot.” “are you lonely now?” taylor asked. sutton looked at him and thought for a moment. “kind of, yeah.” she smiled, embarassed. “its hard not to be.” taylor looked at her thoughtfully and said, “i can tell you really miss your parents. i really start to miss my mom and all the kids when my dad just takes ike and zac and i off to do tv shows or promo gigs. it got really hard after awhile.” taylor paused. “but you’ve always been welcome over here, though, and kind of always like a part of our family...” sutton nodded. “yes, I’m very thankful for that. i would much rather be here than anywhere else, like with some of my relatives. none of them live here in oklahoma and my parents didn’t really want me to leave here anyway. they feel safe knowing I’m with your family.” taylor smiled. “thats good.” he paused a moment, and then, “are they coming back for your birthday in August?” sutton looked at him, surprised. “you remember when my birthday is?” “august second, right?” he asked as sutton nodded. “well its easy for me to remember. 8-2-82. august second, 1982.” sutton laughed, and then said, “Well we’re not sure yet. they’re kind of still getting settled in there and they haven’t had much time yet to actually work on their mission...” sutton looked down at her lap, not wanting to cry again. “no pun intended.” taylor added. “well, I guess we might not even be home for your birthday. we might still be touring.” “yeah, i hadn’t even thought about that,” sutton suddenly laughed, and gazed at Taylor. “you always made me laugh, i remember that. not even meaning to, you always seemed to make me laugh.” taylor leaned back and lied on the floor, legs still bent in front of him. “a little humor never hurts anyone,” he stretched. “nope,” she smiled, as taylor looked at his watch and back at sutton. “you’re not going to go over there and visit them at all, are you?” “not unless you guys are planning on taking a trip over to italy.” sutton paused, realizing her answer sounded somewhat rude. “i mean, of course i would love to go overseas and see italy and see them, but i don’t think it would work out for me to go over there, while they’re working and doing their thing,” sutton looked off into a corner of her room. “and i know you guys aren’t doing a lot of tour dates over there.” “yeah, i understand that. i think that its a lot harder to tour overseas than it is here. we’ve been over there a lot these past years, but its a little harder doing actual shows. i don’t know what our current plans will be though. we might be able to still stop off there before we fly back here.” taylor said optimistically. “well i don’t want you guys to make any special arrangements for me.” sutton said softly. then: “excited? scared?” she questioned. “ah, scared, definitely, and excited too, of course. we kinda don’t know what to think right now, we’re just pretty much sitting on the edge of our seats, waiting for whatever is thrown our way. we’ve never really toured before.” the large grin on taylor’s face made sutton smile, happy for him and their success. “and i can say i knew you when; talked to you when you speculated what the success of your albums and singles and how your first tour was a smash hit, and you sold out every single venue and had to add on a dozen more dates.” sutton smiled. “well we’re still trying to stay optimistic about everything, but i wouldn’t go quite that far, not yet.” he grinned. “you know it’ll be a hit.” “ah, i don’t know,” taylor blushed. “we just kind of have been doing what has felt right and true to us, we haven’t really thought about how people will perceive us touring yet. but we’re hoping it’ll be fun and a success.” “okay, i’ll stop flattering you now taylor hanson.” sutton laughed. “yes, thank you, and i should let you go to sleep, its getting kinda late. i think everyone is probably sleeping by now.” sutton looked over to look at her bedside clock. She didn’t realize how long she’d been talking to him. “yes, you look tired. go get some rest,” sutton smiled up at taylor. he nodded and held his hand in front of her. sutton took it and they pressed their palms together and he tangled his fingers in hers, a gesture sutton found incredibly comforting and sincere. he squeezed her hand as they shared smiles, then released and walked the length of her room to her door. “night,” he called back to her. “night taylor,” sutton smiled as he closed the door behind him. she kicked off her shoes and fell back into her bed, and fell asleep before she was able to change into her pajamas. chapter six